Hangover

Yesterday I got a lot of writing done. I started off the day a little late, after beating myself up most of the day before. You might not know it to read my last post, but things were not good. I had a few deadlines which would have been due today at 2pm, but first I had to take care of some other things.

I visited with my therapist for an hour and got some things lined out. It will probably be my last session for a while. She is very helpful, in spite of it just being over the phone due to social distancing. According to her, a lot of the thoughts whizzing through my head are attributed to grief. Grief over my relationship, my work, and even the general grief many of us are experiencing due to the pandemic. The world is changing and like it or not, we are mourning the loss of how things were before. It just sucks.

After that, I went to my doctor for my yearly physical. She was not happy that with the end of my job I wouldn’t have medical insurance with them…possibly indefinitely. She is a really good doc and has an excellent bedside manner. I discussed a lot of things that are going on, and she pretty much echoed what my therapist had said: Stress. Nearly all of my concerns were stress related and she couldn’t blame me one bit for any of them. So I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.

I wrote a personal blog post, and then I sat down to write one of my paid posts. I decided I would write it and then do the second that was due today when I woke up in the morning. I got it outlined and then a regular client dropped three on me, which I did in the interim. I ate some food, made some coffee and finished the big assignment. I watched a couple episodes of Peaky Blinders. Made dinner. Drank a cider. Read a little. And my brain would not shut up. It was midnight when I crawled into bed and my heart was just going. So, I figured I might as well put the time to good use.

I got up, wrote the next big post from start to finish, and had the whole thing done before 2am. My brain would not shut up.

So I took a melatonin and before long, I was watching patterns ebb and flow in my vision even though my eyes were closed. My brain would not shut up. I fell asleep around 3am. Then I woke up at about 4:30am. My brain still just going and going. I fell asleep and woke up again at 6:30, then 8:30. Then I finally dragged ass out of bed at 10:45am. My head was pounding.

I managed somehow to drive to get coffee. That part is a little foggy. I got home, paid some bills, and made a hamburger. I am not a happy camper, and I blame stress, as well as melatonin. I feel the effects of that even now. I feel drugged, in spite of the caffeine I have been mainlining since I got up. Part of me also wonders if I’m not going through FaceBook withdrawals. I am 36 hours clean right now. When your doc and your shrink both tell you social media is bad for you, it’s beneficial to listen to them.

There has got to be a better way. Eventually, I hope, my brain will give me some damned peace and quiet. Until then, I plan on taking a nap. This evening, I hope to work on the book some more.

Persistance

A former colleague informed me that a bunch of my gettingoutmore.org posts were cached in BING! Thanks to the lesser known red headed stepchild of search browsers, I was able to recover around 15 of my travelblog posts! YES! Thanks, Sue, if you happen to be reading!

Last night I hit a wall of creativity when I thought of the daunting task of rebuilding my website. This was one of those live and learn moments. I trusted that my content would be moved over from the domain host I had been using, to my wordpress site. It was not. When I queried about this, I got an automated response. When I pushed the issue further, I was curtly informed that all of my content was deleted from their servers as soon as my subscription ended. Which was dated to about two months before it actually ended.

Back up your files, people. I cannot stress this enough. Put your content on a hard drive someplace. Don’t trust the myth that “Once it’s on the internet, it’s there forever.” I think this only counts with sexy pics and inflammatory shit you tell people in internet forums. The good stuff has a very short shelf life.

I’m not sure how great my posts were. I was still trying to find my voice. Now that nobody can go anywhere for the foreseeable future, I don’t know how much traction my travel blog will get. But at least it is on wordpress, which is better so far than that private domain host.

My iMac is killing it when it comes to getting things done. I’m loving it and today, I have the dubious honors of reformatting my MacBook Pro and sending it back to Apple for an exchange/recycling. There is still a lot to do and I have 11 paid posts that are due tomorrow, so I need to stop monkeying around with the travel blogs and take care of those.

I feel extremely productive today. Accomplished. I need to tweak my time management to make sure I don’t starve to death in the upcoming months. It is all doable. Even though I didn’t have to punch a clock today, I got up at a respectable time. Last night I fixed my LinkedIn posts from this site too.

I need to go outside and get some Vitamin D today though. Maybe a little exercise. It’s all going to be a balance of work and self-care from here on out.