Day Three of No Facebook

It’s laughable that I’m treating social media like a substance addiction.  But I don’t know if it is all that much of a stretch.  In many ways, the prevalence of Facebook is said to have been influencing the last few Presidential elections, that algorithms and how information is distributed among groups of friends, lending itself to bias is how this is being orchestrated.

Twitter is the voicebox of a Presidency that seemingly has no filter, no restraint, and is making a lot of things worse, because the information is coming directly from the mind of someone, without delay, who should be one of the people on this planet who take a long, long time to think before they speak.

People’s lives are being affected in ways that they have never been before.  The worst thing about social media, the internet, information, etc. is there are no ethics behind any of it.  People can take your picture, post it online for anyone to see without your permission.  Your words can be removed from context, even private conversations, and shared with others in damaging ways.  Facebook itself has become a resource lawyers use in court to influence the rulings of judges, in civil and criminal cases.  Posts to Instagram have resulted in job terminations, jail time, and worse.

Twitter is often used to communicate secretly, out in the open as it were, for protesters, terrorists, and even law enforcement who counter activity originated there.  It used to just be for flash mobs of people swarming train stations to do the Thriller dance.

Net neutrality would be a wonderful thing, that is if anyone had any idea what responsibility was in our world these days.  Electronics, social media, texting, etc. are rewriting how people interact socially. How children spend their time, socialize, respond to stimuli outside their own heads.

Due to what has become 24 hour a day bullying, suicides are on the rise from social media.  It used to be you could just go home from school if someone was tormenting you.  Now you carry them with you in your pocket wherever you go.  And if not them, their friends, your mutual friends, and complete strangers looking to dog pile you.

Kids are sending naked pictures of themselves to each other. There’s an app that will help them do that.  It’s called Snapchat.  Everything “goes away” after it is viewed.  Right…idiots.

The proliferation of easy to get pornography is so much more different now than 25 years ago.  Not only does the easy access to porn mean that the audience of watchers can have greater exposure to this kind of addiction, but also I feel that violence towards women, especially in regards to rape and murder, are spurred on by people being eager to act out these oftentimes violent theatrics.

YouTube algorithms are influencing teens in ways that are making them question ideas of gender, possibly needlessly so.  Combine that with the echo chamber of nearly anonymous peer groups spread across the country, and you have a recipe for ultimate confusion.

So, does it cheapen the idea of addiction to say that social media is bad?  That Facebook was slowly causing me to slip into a state of depression?  I mean, it’s not booze, pills, opioids, or meth, it’s just the computer, right?  Who can’t just step away from a computer?

What’s my point?  I’m not trying to get attention for battling some kind of addiction. Honestly, I know it’s my own damned fault if I’m on social media and wasting time on it.  I don’t want to pull out the victim card just yet.  I’m not looking for pity.  What I do know if the world is a lot quieter without it.  I’m getting more done.  In spite of the reflex whenever I get bored to see what my Facebook friends are up to, I don’t really miss it too much.

Last night, I made changes to a chapter in my book.  I wrote five paid blogs.  I did some reading.  I went on a walk for an hour and put in 12,000 steps.  I watched a movie.  Facebook is a massive waste of time.  In some ways, it was a nice place to escape.  But when you are escaping your life, you aren’t living it.  Anymore than you are living your life at the bottom of a glass, needle, mirror, or hot piece of foil. Or card table, porn site, refrigerator, or cross-fit class.  Addictions come in all shapes and sizes.  The way to recognize them is would you rather be doing that than anything else?  What is it costing you?

I think I’m at the preachy part of my recovery.  It’s a nice way to convince myself that changes like these are good.  It’s also a good way to be held accountable for my decisions.  It’s harder to ignore these decisions when you write them down.

Maybe I wasn’t addicted to social media so much as I was comfortable with the routine?  Well, what I know is the routine left me feeling empty and worthless.  That’s not healthy.  It made me covet lives of people, things they have that I won’t, it made me less of the man I want to be.  It left me feeling alone.

The funny thing is yesterday, I chatted with about half a dozen people, having actual conversations in person, in text, etc. outside of social media and it felt great!  Eventually I realized I had a lot of work to do and had to excuse myself.

People are still out there.  You don’t need social media. In fact we might find ourselves closer to each other without it.  In no time at all will it no longer be Life without Facebook.  It will just be “life.”

Life without Facebook: Day two and progress

Second day without Facebook and I have decided to document some of the changes going on in my life.

Keeping in touch

Technically, I did post yesterday, but it was only the link to this blog and to announce that I was leaving Facebook.  I immediately got comments like “I don’t believe you are leaving.  You’ll be back.”  I did get some messages directly from some friends.  One buddy of mine, whom I know in real life as well, sent me his updated contact information so we can stay in touch via phone or text, which I will definitely be doing.  He isn’t on it much these days himself, since he cruises around the country in an RV, and seems to be happier being a nomad and catching fish most days.

Other than a couple people messaging me to persuade me from leaving Facebook, my phone was relatively quiet all night. And by quiet, I mean it seems like I’m already off the grid.

Where everybody knows your name…

A couple others pleaded me to stay. In a weird way, I was right about the bar scene theory.  It was nice to be missed, but at this point, I know that Facebook isn’t good for me.  For a while it was my only social outlet.  When I was married, my contact with people outside the home was extremely limited, but with Facebook, I could talk to people all around the world, uninhibited. It gave me perspective and showed me that my life wasn’t exactly happy.  Especially after LiveJournal was bought by the Russians and everyone left it like rats from a sinking ship.  But things are different now.  I am different.  I don’t need it.

Reflexive behavior

Like someone trying to kick cigarettes, I have found myself automatically typing the URL address for Facebook in my browser.  Since I’m logged out, it just brings me to the login page and my routine comes to a screeching halt.  It’s the fixation, just like a smoker who keeps putting pens in their mouth, or keeps reaching for their lighter, even when it’s not there.  My substitution has been Instagram, but it doesn’t have the same hold on my mind as Facebook, so I don’t linger on it.  Sometimes I will see a pretty vacation site and it will inspire me to get off my butt and get some writing in.

The other things I do to keep busy

A good substitute for clicking on the dopamine drip button known as social media has been writing.  Which luckily for me, I am already a writer, so win-win! Yesterday, I wrote five paid blogs, a blog here on my personal site, and I finished a chapter in the book.  I also did ten miles on the bike at the gym and got 10,000 steps in. And I watched the Justice League movie on HBO. And I read the entire Book of Esther in my continuing advance through the Bible. Because I am told, it’s like any other book and should be read cover to cover.  Next up is a book about a guy named Job.  So far, he has lots of sheep and camels and children, just chillin’ in the town of Uz.  Sounds like things are looking up for my boy Job!


Vices, Things Despised, and Sailboats

Today marks day 13 without coffee.

It also marks 12 hours without Facebook.

One addiction is harder to break than the other.  Care to guess which one?

I’m not going to itemize the signs and symptoms of addiction.  Everyone knows that Facebook is addictive.  It relies on little dopamine hits throughout the day whenever you get or give the instant gratification of “Liking” something.  If you build up enough friends or followers, you could technically have a continuous feed of dopamine throughout the day.  A slow burn.  Maintaining.  Until the short, cheap thrill wears off.  You post comments, thoughts, pictures, and continue leaving the trail of breadcrumbs which is your life for anyone on your vast network of friends to see.

The problem with this is the algorithm that handles all of this information, while at the same time bombarding you with ads for products, television shows, and clickbait for you to also see.  It’s kinda like having a heroin high that is interrupted by commercials.  At some point, the content is brief, if present at all, and your feed is choked with nothing but celebrity posts, ads, and pretty much only a handful of people’s posts.  Probably the same ten people to be honest, and most of what they post will be memes or news articles that they got from other people and are sharing them.

In other words, the algorithm chokes your feed to a trickle.  And recently, my feed has been reduced to only about ten to twenty posts, and then you can no longer scroll to see anything else.

Facebook operates in much the same way working in a call center used to work.  It mirrors the social network there almost exactly.  You might have two hundred people working in the same building, but everyone is separated by these battle-ship grey cubicles.  They put up pictures of their families, their interests and hobbies, and they sometimes get to play their music at a reasonable volume. I used to hate working in a call center.  I used to have a newspaper clipping of the USS Constitution hanging on my cube wall.  It was such a beautiful ship to look at.  I have always wanted to sail on a Tall Ship.  Looking at that picture took me away from that cubicle. Away from the constant drone of voices that were saying nothing pertinent to life.  A hum of conversation where people were talking but saying nothing.  It gave me a goal to get out of that place and out into the world, where the sky is a sharp color of blue until it meets the horizon at the edge of that grey sea.  That picture was the only thing I took with me when I left my call center job.  They had another butt in my chair by the end of the day, answering calls that I would have had to take.

There is a phenomena in cubicle land called “Gophering” which means that occasionally, people will pop their heads up over the wall and see other workers across the tops of the cubes.  They do this when new recruits walk by, or they might want to say something to a “friend” they met in the breakroom during the 15 minute break they were allowed to take twice a day.  Which is exactly enough time to microwave a burrito, or pour a cup of coffee, and consume it.  Other workers break down these fifteen minute chunks into cigarette breaks.  Usually two or three in the morning and two or three in the afternoon.  They use the excuse of “I’m a nicotine addict!” and get a free pass to take shorter, but more frequent breaks.  In a weird twist of irony, smokers are probably healthier, and stay with the job longer because of their social interactions.  Smokers in call centers have friends.  They even have friends they meet socially outside of work that they have met at work!

When you are standing around killing yourself slowly, one puff at a time, you have time to talk and visit and complain and get to know each other.  You would notice too that a lot of the smokers are the ones who gopher the most.  Because they actually care who walks past.

Facebook is like that.  Some of my friends were people I knew from outside of social media.  We talk outside of Facebook.  We hang out at barbecues, call each other on the phone occasionally, or email.  Very few of these friends have I met on Facebook.  Like the cubes in a call center, they want you to be comfortable, but they need you on the phones.  Socializing is not what social media is there for.  It’s an information pump.  It’s work.  You are the worker, the drones in the cubes, the hogs at the trough, and your information, your interaction is what produces the commodity which someone else uses to make a shit ton of money.  And you give this to them willing with your only commodity: Time.

When I say you give them this, I mean We.

Just like any job, you exchange your time and your effort for money.  Only Facebook doesn’t give you money for your time or effort.  What it has given you instead is your support structure, which is pretty damned important to humans.  Without it, we die or go crazy.  Out of a multitude of people, you have a handful of friends.  The people who gopher when you walk by?  That’s them.  That’s all you get.

So when Facebook’s algorithm started going weird on me and I was seeing only a very, very slow trickle of information from what has more or less become my social structure, I could feel it affect my mental state.  I felt isolated.  Alienated.  It kicked up my paranoia too since why weren’t people commenting?  Why wasn’t I being allowed to see what was going on in the world?!  Like an addict whose drug of choice has begun to wain, I wasn’t getting the high like I used to.  I was hitting that refresh button over and over until I could get a hit of instant gratification, social approval, affirmation, sympathy, or just a chuckle from a comment someone had made.  Instagram isn’t my drug of choice because everything is so polished.  There is no dialog.  No conversation, only a daily snapshot of the most perfect slice of someone’s day.  It’s a drug for terminal narcissists.  It’s a designer drug beautiful people in dance clubs take to make everything sharper and make the music feel better.  When everyone is that beautiful and happy and high, you don’t want to come down.  Some people never do.

The other way social media is like a chemical dependence is in the way it is delivered.  Everyone is on it!  Tired of this drug? Try this one instead!  And anyone who has ever tried to kick an addiction knows this much, the best way to avoid the temptation of that drug is to stop hanging out with your enablers.  Well, unfortunately, when you are on Facebook, nearly all of your friends are addicts and enablers.  It’s a lot like a man who is quitting drinking, who realizes that everyone he knows is someone at his favorite bar.  Only with Facebook, just about EVERYONE is at that bar.  They know you might leave for a little bit, but you’ll be back.  The stool will be right there, waiting for you when you return.  And if not you, then another butt will be in that seat, with a person filling that gap.

Getting off social media likely means that I will lose contact with nearly all of those people.  Nobody calls or hardly even texts anymore.  They sure as hell don’t knock on your door and say “Hey!  Whatchoo doing this afternoon?  Let’s go fishing!”  If you leave, you might as well cease to exist.  I can’t say die, because there are dead people on Facebook whose accounts are still active.  Every year on their birthday, it reminds you that they were born, and people post comments on their page.  It’s the post-information era’s answer to putting a stone or a coin on someone’s grave.

What I’m attempting to do is something else.  It’s the equivalent of moving to a shack in the woods, and here on my blog I suppose, is where I peck away at my manifesto.  Letting my beard grow long.  Listening to the birds outside.  Doing the work like a madman.

I plan on writing more.  Working on my fiction, maybe even some more paid blogs.  I was burned by the addiction of Facebook and once the drug began to no longer have the desired effect, I figured it was time to kick.  There are conspiracy theories out there that the CIA distributes hard core drugs to inner city communities to keep minorities down.  I can’t help but wonder sometimes if Social Media isn’t doing the same thing for the diminishing middle class.  I know it’s a major time sink for me.  It has kept me high on my greatest vice, which is procrastination, for years.  It’s a distraction.  A way to avoid real life by losing yourself in the fiction of others.  The bullshit that they push forward that they want you to see.  The concentrated truth and lie of comedy and drama which makes your dopamine receptors get all tingly for.

In short, I suppose I have had what alcoholics refer to as “a moment of clarity.”

It’s time to get out of those grey walls and see what is on the other side of that horizon.  It could be that the world drops off there, and you ride that sailing ship down the eternal waterfall into the Void.  Or, it could be that everything I ever wanted is waiting for me on the other side.

This comes from 12 hours without Facebook.

The realization that I have had from two weeks without coffee is that my breath doesn’t stink and I can save about $3 a day when I avoid it.  I’ve been on tea lately, which is the methadone to coffee’s opioid.  Black tea is named such, because it turns your teeth a nice shade of mahogany after a while.  I’m going to wean myself off that very soon too.

Ironically enough, I will post this entry to Facebook.  Maybe it will be a nice way to say so long to everyone at the bar.  Or maybe it will be a way to invite others to quit their jobs at the call center, to think about what they are getting back in exchange for their time, the photos of their children, their fears and worries and sorrows, all of their world they choose to hang up on the walls of Facebook.  Maybe a few will gopher as I walk out the door with my box of stuff.

And maybe this time, I leave the newspaper clipping of the tall ship on the wall to inspire someone else who needs it.

Call me, message me, email, or drop by for a visit. Or check here for updates on what I’m up to. But don’t look for me on Facebook anymore.

It’s time to kick the habit.  It might be the hardest thing I have ever done.  I’m not even exaggerating.