That walkin’ against the wind $#!T

Today, I wrote my ass off for two posts. I know there are going to be days like this. I have had good days where I wrote 15 posts about lift kits and grille guards and days where I have written two posts about motorbike accidents, but today was two posts that might win me $37. One was for an air conditioning company and the other was a Netflix documentary review about “Human Nature”. I had to watch an hour and a half long documentary and IF they buy it, they will pay $25. So that averages out to $12.50 per hour.

IF either of them buy it.

My brain is fried, but at least I know more about CRISPR than I did before. I guess one way to look at this is that I would have watched the documentary for free anyway. Now I’m doing it for money.

It will be like walking against the wind to write enough in the upcoming days, weeks, months, years to provide a base income for myself. That part really sucks. Especially since many of the clients I was writing crazy amounts of stuff for left due to a change in management with the agency I’m writing for. Right now I’m in the process of rebuilding a client base, which takes time.

Tonight I’m going to try to work on the novel. I’ve been sketching out so many scenes towards the end that now my inkblots are bleeding backward through the story and hopefully will meet somplace in the middle. Future edits will probably remove a lot of things and be integral to another book I have been thinking about in the life of this same character.

I dunno. Sometimes I wonder if I haven’t cooled off with this story and some days when I sit down to write I just can’t help but think I’m over it. Then there are days I get fired up again and wish that was all I had to do.

Today fell a little flat, and for some weird reason, I took an hour and a half nap this evening. I just closed my eyes and and couldn’t stay awake. Maybe a lot of the recent stress is finally releasing. Maybe I’m finally letting go of some things and now they are only memories instead of recent wounds. I feel like a house that has been packed up for a big move. It’s the same house, but the rooms are all empty, filled with only possibilities, but there is still a lot of work ahead to put everything back in them that is needed.

Every day brings new challenges, and life comes at you like a mime from hell. I just wish it wouldn’t do that walkin’ against the wind shit. I hate that.

Some changes

Over the last year, my efforts to do my travelblog have been hard and other than the writing and some of the feedback I get, not especially rewarding.  I’m thinking of leaving the webhosting service that I currently use, which gets no love on Google, and just keeping my URL and writing here on my wordpress.com service.

Keeping a dedicated site that gets no hits for $200+ per year is not worth the effort.  Not when there are free services.  I mean, hey, they don’t monetize, but neither does my site. Also, my independent site messes up photos, makes everything too big, and isn’t very user friendly.

So, fuck it.

If anyone has suggestions or reasons why I shouldn’t just move everything to a free site, please feel free to let me know.  The blog has been the most frustrating part of this whole process.  Not the writing.  Just the service.  I am not a fan.

Impostor Syndrome and Taxes

One of the biggest hurdles to overcome is when you tell people you are a writer.  In many ways, you wind up needing to convince yourself as much as you do someone else that this is what you do.  Do I support myself entirely with writing?  No.  Is the stuff that I write 100% creative fiction?  No.  But I am also an author.  (Of one completed book.  Which I published myself.  When it comes to impostorship, that is some shaky ground sometimes).

I write a travel blog and I have had some recent success in travel writing, which has been outstanding.  I have been featured in a university newspaper about these efforts, which in some ways almost makes impostor syndrome worse.  How am I of all people worthy of a newspaper article?

I have been writing blogs for probably around 12 years. Maybe longer.  One of my first forays into blogging was when I won $10 for Fantasy Magazine’s “Blog for a Beer” post. That was back when the new Millennium was still in its single digits.  I had been a published writer before that (and since) with short stories.  My first being in 1996, with my university’s fiction magazine, “The Crucible.”  What an odd experience that was. Cheese and refreshments with a “publication party” of about six people.  The parties got a little bit better during the next couple years, and the next time they accepted a story, I won Best in Fiction.

I can hardly read that story now.  Boy was it rough.

Over the years, I have published short stories, newspaper articles, articles for online magazines, and one novel. Very few of those have earned me much of a paycheck. I have also written so much copy for companies over the years that I can’t even remember how much there has been. Everything from fake reviews for products on Amazon to travel guides for places I have never visited. I was also an editor for my university’s Academic Catalog for about three years.  That was actually a lot of fun, but that wasn’t writing, that was just part of the day job where I got to fiddle with words.

So, last night, I was doing taxes and I had a neat reminder of my clout as a writer.  I got to add my sales for my second job of writing content for company websites as income.  I always used to hear that if you can pay bills or a large chunk of your rent with writing, then you are a writer.

So, I guess it’s official!

Weird that it took that to knock out my impostor syndrome. Hahaha!