So Much for a Year

Where has the time gone?

It has been a lost year for many of us.

It’s hard to wrap my mind around so much of it.

Loss of what we all used to know.

Loss of connection.

Loss of loved ones.

Loss of sanity for some.

Loss of the world.

For some of us, we struggle to rebuild our lives.

To make some sense out of a world that seems to be run now by those who can shout the loudest, be the meanest, and do so without compassion or regard for others. A population of people who think it is more important to be “right” than it is to be kind.

I’m doing all right. The Man in the High Castle in my own right. Out here on the outskirts, looking in, running out of Motrin from all the facepalming I’ve been doing lately. Glad I’m back where I came up from. I’ve found ways to find fulfillment that a year ago, I wouldn’t have considered. I took a lot for granted back then. I was complacent with other things too. I lived under the impression that waking up next week wouldn’t be much different than a month or a year.

I was wrong about that.

Sometimes I miss the damp, heavy air of a crowded room. The feeling of too many people in one place. I dream of stupid facemasks now. It’s better to just stay at home and keep busy with something else, rather than encourage those kinds of dreams.

This isn’t the Somme. This isn’t the Berlin Airlifts. This isn’t the Flood.

It’s annoying. It’s reminiscent of times I hoped were gone. I just look away and try to stay busy.

I check in on old connections sometimes only to find that we probably could no longer be friends. This world continues to divide. I don’t think things will go back to how they were either. That’s okay too. I never liked those parties all that much anyway.

A year ago, we were riding that wave, which broke soon thereafter. Just a few weeks and it would all go back to how it was.

In some ways, I miss that world, and in other ways, dealing with how things have become have opened my eyes to new possibilities. I have gotten new opportunities that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. I am blessed and I am grieving all at once. I find myself better off now than I was a year ago in some ways. Like losing a close family member and getting an inheiritance.

What a weird place to live. A strange time.

Stay safe.

Last night here

Tonight I am writing this post on my phone because my computer and iPad are both packed up. Tonight will be the last night I have with my furniture at this place. Tomorrow I load it all up and take it to the next phase of my life. Right now I wish I was feeling like that was as romantic and hopeful as it sounds but I have to fit everything I own onto a uhaul trailer and drive through a snow storm to get there.
I have an eight foot section of couch to wrestle out of he front door by myself. A queen sized bed and other pieces of furniture and boxes. I’m just hoping to do it without hurting my back. If I didn’t need a couch I would have put a sign on it that said Free and left it for someone else on the curb.
This weekend has been busy. Since Friday I have been writing content for a company that sells sex toys. The whole thing is exhausting. You become numb to it after a while. From life sized dolls to bondage kits. That’s a whole lot of research and writing to do for it all. On a subject that demands you know what the hell you are on about.
let’s just say my tastes run vanilla and I see a lot of closet space and shit to move and maintain for that lifestyle. But I write because I’m young and need the money.
once my move is done I have to clean two houses. By myself. I might take a road trip at the end of the week just to get away from it all. I want to take some time off from painting, lifting; scrubbing, and everything else.
to ight I am tired and I see nothing but a bunch of work staring right back at me.