Crazy couple of years

So, a couple years ago, they told us we might have to spend a few weeks inside because someone in China ate soup with a bat in it. (Yes, I know the bat thing was bogus. We all know the damn virus was made in a lab). And yes, that is plausible, considering we are talking about a country that enjoys weaponizing stuff. If you don’t believe me, just ask yourself the last time you heard of a virus that makes your sense of taste go away. It might kill you, it probably won’t, but if it does it will be like drowning for a week or so.

So, we spent going on two years for some of us inside. Some of us drive around with masks when we are alone. All of us have been affected by some form of depression or anxiety by the process.

The USA is more polarized than ever. I won’t get into the discussion much, but let’s just say it was suspicious that the person who became POTUS, who even his own party was lukewarm about, won more votes than the most hyped President elect in history, who at the time had more voter turnout than anyone in history. Until his second banana won this election. Just sayin’.

Then people got arrested for meandering into the Capitol Building, after the cops let them in, and that was a bigger deal than when people burned down businesses in several cities. Canada experienced soft facism. Which is fitting for a country normally very polite.

Gasoline costs twice as much per gallon as it has for years. Food is expensive (when it’s on the store shelves).

Oh yeah, Russia invaded Ukraine.

It strikes me how strange it is to see a modern city like Kyiv with Toyota Priuses and freakin’ missiles sticking out of the ground. It’s not the view of war we’ve been given for the last 70 years. It’s surreal.

The amount of dumbass rednecks posting shit on social media about how they are warfighters and gon’ fight fer ‘Merica is fucking astounding. You aren’t the Wolverines. You aren’t Mad Max you piece of shit. You aren’t John Wick. You’re a fat, ignorant redneck who couldn’t pick Ukraine out on a map. Yeah yeah tough guy. That’s why you are stockpiling guns and ammunition. Fuck you. You’re gonna do the same thing you’ve always done about anything in life ever.

Not a goddamned thing.

“Back in Dubya Dubya THree, I fought on the front lines of the meme wars!”

Good for you. Fuckhead. What were you doing for the last couple of years? What have you ever done? Watched other people do all the heavy lifting. Spilled Natty Lite on yourself yelling at your ol’ lady because she didn’t have the house clean when you got home maybe. Told the kids to leave you alone because the game was on.

Not that I’m all that my damn self. But I’m not running around talking tough, beating my chest, and bragging about some bullshit. “Just let me at them Rooskies!” I’ve seen tough guys crumple like a folding chair so many times. It’s always fucking hilarious when they do too.

It’s not Call of Duty out there, Cap’n Warfighter. You don’t just get to duck and regenerate the arm someone shot off. At the end of the day you’re sleeping on the cold hard ground and you don’t just get to hit pause and get tucked into your snuggly-wuggly bed.

Meanwhile, there are civilians watching tanks roll into their towns. And the world just watches.

It’s been a crazy couple of years.

A political discussion bound to get me unfriended

I try not to be too political here, since I feel like politics are divisive at their core and throughout the centuries, political affiliation has broken families apart, created wars, and put some awful people into positions of power. However, this year, Colorado has a proposition on the ballot which is very controversial. It pertains to the re-introduction of wolves to our eighth largest state.

Never mind that wolves are already here.

I grew up in a rural community, which was heavility supported by ranching, hunting, and other activities which automatically set the default at Extremely Red State when it comes to how people vote. I remember nights when people had dumped dead coyotes on the center line of Main St. of my hometown, or how the creedo of “shoot, shovel, and shut the fuck up” is common.

The resounding NOPE of my community is loud and clear. Never mind that a community of God-fearing, right wing, 2nd Amendment loving, domestic beer drinking folks also has some of the highest abortion rates per capita. One might think that it was being used as birth control it is so common. Yes. That was a cheap shot for the hypocrisy of people.

Here’s another cheap shot. Or several. Buckle up.

One of the arguments against reintroducing wolves to an area which spans thousands of square miles of public land, private land, and several different biomes is the destruction that wolves impose on the cattle industry, hunting, and the general safety of people in the area.

Let us consider for a moment, those poor ungulates who roam the wilds of North Park. The gentle and majestic Moose. This animal is like a draft horse with all the lethal hardware of a deer. Because it is a deer. And anybody who knows about moose, knows that they get cranky because those antlers are the fastest growing living tissue outside of bamboo. The process is so painful that moose probably co-adapted eating willow bark because of its analgesic properties. Yes, moose are self-medicating aspirin. Moose get cranky and trample, gore, and fuck up the days of a lot of people every year. My hometown prides itself on being the moose viewing capitol of Colorado, with…damn, like a bazillion moose living up there. Seriously, they are like rats. 1200lb rats with a migraine and a rack of antlers that can flip a Hyundai.

So far, nobody has been gored.

Why am I picking on moose? Well, I’m going to pick on other animals too. Next will be ranchers. The erridication of wolves was a gradual process, popular with Manifest Destiny. Right around the same time buffalo proved a threat to Westward Expansion–likely because they were the main food supply of an entire civilization of human beings that the Federal Government wanted…um, sent to extinction?–the buffalo were hunted out. They were also big animals who could barrel through a fence, which was what cattle and sheep farmers really disliked about the bastards. The Feds didn’t like that the Indians could build an entire town out of one and survive the harsh winters of the American West, so they had to go. Since then, pretty much what ranchers have been saying has been fine for everyone. In World War Two when the Federal Government, who hadn’t successfully starved out the noble creature known as the American Rancher with a thing called the Great Depression suddenly needed food for its troops who were being used to kill other people all over the planet (not picking on WW2, or the validity of what it accomplished–if any war was justified in American History, it was that one. You know, once we decided to actually join in the fight. Four years after Manchuria and Poland were invaded).

Wolves, like the Native Americans before them, were an apex predator in competition for resources. Mainly cattle, who were needed to make C-Rations. I guess somehow they comprised the edible part of these tins of food soldiers relied on in the field. So in order to boil down massive amounts of cattle into nearly inedible canned stew, more cattle needed to be grazed. Colorado was a good place for this, since short growing seasons meant hardly anything grew here. Plus leather was needed for A-2 Flight Jackets, which were pretty damned sweet for pilots looking to plow English girls.

Since bullets were needed to shoot Germans and Japanese, they poisoned the wolves. And the raptors. Because an eagle will eat a sheep or a calf too, apparently. Then they blamed the death of the majestic bald eagle on DDT, which was killing mosquitoes. But yeah. The slow moving rancher could not prevent the loss of livestock, and so baited meat and traps were used to kill the living fuck out of the competition…the wolves this time, not the Native Americans.

Since then, cattle ranching has become a lucrative business. In my hometown, mostly for millionaires who want to dress up and play cowboy for a couple weekends a year. You see, cattle ranches often take a huge loss, and if you own one, you can write it off on your taxes. It’s what every good millionaire does!

A lot of ranchers I have known (and I’m not saying all by any means) generally just kinda let the cattle do their thing. They move them around sometimes, brand them, artificially inseminate them, help them deliver delicious offspring, but most of the time the cattle are self-employed, roaming around public grazing lands (yes, public lands), becoming ribeyes. And dog food. And fertilizer for vegans to put on soy fields.

The argument is that a wolf will kill a cow for fun, just shredding it until it bleeds out, painfully. However, I’ve seen bone piles where cattle carcasses are dragged, each having one thing in common. Baling twine. You see, when a rancher can’t be bothered to take the fucking twine off a hay bale, the idiot cows will eat the twine, and it will eventually kill them. Painfully. Binding up their digestive tracts which are full of hay, which I guess the baling twine is just really dedicated to its job. Then they pile up the dead cattle in an undisclosed location, where the coyotes pick at the bones until all that is left is tiny little balls of red baling twine and bones. And the lonely howl of the wind in the sage.

This bill includes compensation for cattle and livestock killed by wolves too. Sorta like the compensation ranchers got for killing entire herds at the beginning of COVID because people weren’t buying enough and it was killing futures in the stock market. Don’t feel too bad for the ranchers, they are still being paid.

Hunters complain that wolves kill deer and elk in this way too. You know what else kills them? Prion disease. You know what else prion disease kills? People. You know what prion disease doesn’t kill? Wolves. So, a wolf pack kills some diseased animals and eats them before you can eat these diseased animals and be killed by prion disease.

And hey, since wolf populations will now be “managed” you can try to shoot one for a trophy instead of that deer nobody wants to eat because venison is disgusting. Elk sucks too. Unless you mix it with beef. Then, just eat beef.

I got to hear super hunter and Oregonian, Cam Hanes on Joe Rogan the other day voicing his opposition to wolves in Colorado. The most invasive species in Colorado are the Californian, Texan, and Oregonian. Don’t let this fucker fool you. No wolf ever drove up the cost of my property! If anything they keep property values low, because nobody wants their grandmother to be eaten by a wolf when she is lying in bed with COVID, waiting for her grand-daughter to bring her a basket of goodies.

The final thing is forest fires. Wolves target stupid, slow, and sick creatures. Which likely means the same type of people who will idiotically leave a campfire burning when they are camping and burn down most of my goddamned state. Wolves prevent forest fires by eating tourists who are too stupid to know how to not burn down the forest. * (Okay. They don’t eat campers. But I wish something would have happened to those careless assholes that started all these fires. Maybe the moose need to step up their game and trample some people.)

Trust the science.

That’s it for now. If anyone is left, please vote YES on 114.

I am not a Deep State Wolf.

*It has been brought to my attention (and rightfully so) that in spite of the wolf packs in Yellowstone, there have been no attacks on humans since reintroduction. And there are lots of people and wolves in Yellowstone right now. You are probably more at risk being bitten by a shih-tzu.

Political Poisoning: American Edition

Social media used to be a neat tool to connect with others. I have reaquainted myself with people I knew years and years ago, which was necessary as I put my life back together after my divorce. I spoke again with people I knew from Elementary School, I kept in touch with some great people from the old LiveJournal days, and even though most of us were very far away, we could still laugh and joke and carry on conversations in spite of this.

Lately, however, I have been like many of you, and because of the political climate I find that I am unable to maintain friendships with people who are so rabid about their beliefs. They live in an echo chamber where there is no such thing as objectivity. Either you are with them, or you are wrong.

I’ve unfriended and blocked many people because of this. People who were good friends, but that could not withstand the inculcation of party politics. I just couldn’t. And honestly, being a political centrist (if not Libertarian), I was no longer welcome in their circles.

I bowed out. In some cases, I blocked them permanently because of their compatriots who I felt were going to drag me across the coals in a full on doxxing.

I think about the Civil War and how they used to say “It was brother against brother!” I used to be unable to fathom how siblings could join a war and try to kill each other. Now, I don’t have to imagine it. The days of polite discourse are over. We are completely polarized these days. If you don’t agree with a Socialist agenda, you are a fascist. If you don’t have a MAGA hat and a Trumpersticker, you are a commie.

It makes me despair for what our country is becoming. How this kind of politically fueled hate is spilling out into the rest of the world too.

Much of the time all I want to do is get back to the days when we could agree that not everyone was going to agree on some things. Then we went back to focusing on the things that united us instead of divided us.

I’m not voting in the upcoming election. If you don’t like it, wonderful. I also think the masks are bullshit, but they are what everyone has clung to in order to make themselves feel like they have some kind of control over what is going on in the world. Just like voting.

Biden is a sick man. Way to go Democrats. You had 150 MILLION people to pick from and you dug out that old chestnut. This is my look of surprise when he announces Hilary Clinton as his running mate in a month. If he wins, imagine my look of surprise when he abdicates…I mean, yeah. Commits suicide.

Pedophiles abound in positions of power. Worldwide. Children are being trafficked every day and mysteriously anyone who “knows” what is going on keeps winding up dead. Puzzler. Bit of a puzzle. The solution of course is make child rape a hanging offense. And actually hang the fuckers. The Clintons are already off to a good lead on that, oddly enough.

If I had to sit at a table with Trump, I would probably punch him in the mouth. Which is why I’m confused why so many New Yorkers dislike him. He acts just like most of them. Rude. Uncouth. Entitled. Obnoxious. He seems like the kind of guy who would overflow your toilet and use your best towels to wipe his ass afterwards. Then send you the bill to have his pinky ring cleaned.

Antifa need to take their place among the pantheon of dangerous assholes who have no love for this country. Right there with the KKK, the Nation of Islam, the Aryan Nation, and every other extremist group who has a right to exist because of right to assembly and freedom of speech, but serve about as much purpose as diet pop at an all you can eat buffet.

Black Lives Matter is just a nice way for white people to put a brand name on their white guilt. It’s the same as putting a ribbon on your shirt. Or a bumper sticker on your Prius. You wanna be “woke?” Have a conversation with someone about how fucked everything is. You’ll see everyone has some common ground on why the deck is stacked against them. But the ones fucking us don’t want you to see that. They want us to blame each other.

Defund the police? No, defund the Legislation. They are the assholes making the laws that can be used seven ways to Sunday to jail people for no reason. Every year a bunch of lawyers get together and make more laws. How often do they repeal them? And the ones that are repealed, why the hell are prisoners still doing time for committing those crimes? Sure, a lot of cops go home and beat the shit out of their wives, but what do you expect when so many of them are juicing?

Confederate statues are convenient places for pigeons to shit. They are also a good indication of knowing geographically when you are in the woods and hear banjos, that you need to paddle faster. Remove those landmarks and the next time you hear a pig squeal, it might be you.

The best thing to come out of quarantine has been a lack of stupid summer blockbusters. Maybe we can begin to digest how little importance Hollywood actually carries in our lives. As if those fucking TikTok videos haven’t already convinced you.

China is not our friend. That is to say the Chinese Government. They aren’t China’s friend either, we aren’t that special to be the only ones they are actively trying to screw. Where’s all your “Free Tibet” shirts now?

Free healthcare? How about eliminate tort litigation where the majority of settlements go to paying lawyers on contengiency? That’s why your health insurance costs are so high and an Advil is $8. You’d probably see delivery of a baby drop back down to “I don’t need Medicaid to afford this” rates pretty quickly. You know what? I’m actually for the government paying for health care. Not health insurance. Get rid of that broken system. We should see something come out of our taxes rather than crumbling roads, bailouts for multibillion dollar companies, and subsidized agriculture that makes a pound of hamburger $6.

Eliminate the indentured servitude of the Student Loan Program. Period.

That’s enough fixing the world for one night. I wonder why my Liberal and Conservative friends no longer invite me to parties…