Pushing through

It’s a little bit late and though I am still a little wound up from having just finished another assignment, I am too fried to do the third post of the day. I outlined it. It’s due tomorrow, so I have some time to work on it before the deadline. Two is my limit for these kinds of posts anyway, otherwise it just becomes word salad. Then I feel like that scene from Shine when the kid is playing Rachmanimoff and all he hears is hitting keys on the piano without any tone, just the dull thud of hammers hitting over and over. Just the mechanical process of making his fingers work to accomplish a task.

Believe me, I’ve felt this plenty of times, especially when writing about injury and liability. Freaking dry stuff. But the work has been coming in. Today was a 4000 word day. As was the day before. As someone on the agency forum said, like a freaking mantra:

Got ’em.

Don’t want ’em.

Gonna do ’em.

Some days it’s all I can do to not pull my hair out and scream. Some assignments can be so tedious. But compared to the lack of work for the last two months, I can’t complain. Other than it is feast or famine and I really can use the money. And like I always say, a bad day writing is always better than a good day working that horseshit I used to have to put up with at the university.

This week would have been another return of the students. The complete chaos of switching rooms around for professors at the last minute when they should have been paying attention all summer. The shitstorm always fell on me, and though I took the heat for it, I got none of the praise for my efforts. I was just expected to work miracles.

I really don’t miss that life. None of it. I spun my wheels for 20 years in a job that gave me no advancement and no additional skills apart from what I walked in with on my first day.

Tonight I’m just writing down my thoughts, hoping to settle my mind so I can sleep. I feel accomplished as far as assignments go, but lately I haven’t had a lot of time to flex my creative muscles. The work pays the bills, but I will need to get back into some of my writing projects soon before I go mad. It’s a balance. Just like how working from home is a balance with keeping my house from falling apart. I did dishes today for two hours just because everything caught up to me and it got a little overwhelming. Tomorrow I have lots of laundry to fold and put away and the last of that assignment to finish.

I don’t have much profound wisdom to share tonight, other than to say I’m grateful for the work coming in. I just wish I could light a fire under my ass sometimes to get it done sooner. I’ve got other stuff I would much rather be doing.

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