What I didn’t need

I didn’t need to be reminded how alone I was.

I didn’t need someone cheering me on from the nosebleed section.

I didn’t need to be fixed.

I didn’t need “good morning handsome” or goodnights.

I didn’t need total allegiance.

I didn’t need to be reminded of my shortcomings,

because believe me, they are always in the back of my mind.

I didn’t need to be told I was strong. Sometimes it was nice to not have to always be.

I didn’t need to be right all the time. I have a nasty knack for that.

I didn’t need someone else to consider when it came to my daydreams.

I didn’t need to be weighed on a scale with all the others.

I didn’t need to learn someone else’s middle name or their favorite color or meet the parents.

I didn’t need a reminder that nothing lasts forever.

Or those cheshire cat memories of a fading smile which are always the last to go.

I didn’t need to know what your chapstick tasted like or the sound of your hair as I brushed it with my rough hands. Everything else would always have been rough in comparison.

I didn’t need that gut ache from laughing until we cried.

I didn’t need that panic attack when I thought of life without you.

I didn’t need any of them. I wanted them. I was grateful to have shared some.

But now they are gone.

I didn’t need

Hope.

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