A long day

Today started off pretty rough. I didn’t get to sleep last night until about 5am, so I got off to a late start this morning. As usual, I just couldn’t sleep. My brain isn’t very nice to me at night. Before I tried to go to bed, I wrote a note to myself: Today you will work on structure.

Yesterday I worked on setting up another writing account on a platform and got sorta stressed out about it. Then I started reading through old blog posts and also chapters in the book. I realized that so much of it is just a jumbled mess. So, today the plan was to go through the book from beginning until as far as I could go and see what I’ve got and what I’m missing. I think I made it through Part 1 of 3. I now know that I have a couple scenes to write. Mostly backstory, flashback, and the like.

A lot of this stuff I haven’t read in over a year.

I feel better about it now, but I didn’t last night. I felt like I was spinning my wheels. Alone. Trudging away in my office mostly forgotten, tinkering with a story that wants to be told. There are moments of temptation when you think you should just say to hell with it and conform to what other people think you ought to be doing. It would be easier. It might not be as fulfilling, but at least you can pay people you owe money to. I guess that’s what happens when you pursue a higher calling.

Today I spent about 8 hours reading through chapters, clearing out notes and redundant scenes and organizing the first part of the book.

Jeez…I just compiled my files…It’s not good. Part One alone is 150,000 words. That is a little disconcerting…fuck.

I guess it isn’t bad considering it is Part One. I guess I sorta got to a point…or it confirms my fears that it is boring and rambling. I’m probably guessing the latter is more accurate. I know first drafts are always crap, but this…this is a little overwhelming. Part one is probably half the book.

I guess I’ll have edits to do, which could shave off quite a bit…maybe around 30%…crap. I think I’m gonna be sick.

A Reblog of What Makes Women Irresistible

 Clinton A. Harris  Dating and relationships  June 7, 2019 3 Minutes

A friend of mine posted an insightful look at dating and relationships and it got me to thinking about a lot of things.

Here goes.

So, today, I was on the YouTubes.  As many YouTubes rabbit hole days go, I started off by watching a clip a friend on FaceBook posted.  Which lead to other clips.  Long story short, I came across a clip about Craig Ferguson and a few with Norm MacDonald.  These guys are like woman-candy.  I’ll say this right now: it’s because they are funny.

The list

I thought the list Michelle had found of body language for women was hilarious. In all fairness, a woman with a headcold putting on a scrunchie out to be the sexiest thing around!

  • Flipping our hair
  • Sneezing
  • Biting our lips
  • Moving our hips
  • Touching them gently
  • Wearing a ponytail

What does this mean?!

I think the list scratches the surface on a few things.  I’ve seen shows and read about all of these tells before.  Some are indicative of physical health or trying to get someone to notice things (flipping your hair draws attention to the health of a woman’s hair, biting her lips gets a man to notice her lips, wearing a pony tail gets a man to notice the nape of her neck) which are health compatibility/sexual tells.  Gently touching someone breaks through that personal space barrier.  It’s a bold move, innocent in a conversation, yet extremely effective when breaking through communication boundaries, or instigating more touching.

The sneezing thing, as funny as it is, does a few things.  It gets immediate attention (especially if a woman has a “cute” or unusual sneeze), it might start a conversation (especially if the man says “bless you” or “gesundheit” which indicates compassion), and it might trigger a nurturing response in some men who see that kind of vulnerability as catnip.   See “white knight syndrome.”

In my opinion some of these tells are not all that appealing.  The lip biting, the hip moving, even the unsolicited touching.  In some ways they are pretty aggressive and a little predatory.  This works for some women.  In subtle ways, it is getting past the personal space boundary and creating intimacy.

What else works?

Dancing.  Immediately, you are entering each other’s personal space.  You are breaching typical touching which isn’t normally accepted in social venues other than dancing.  You are moving together, which emulates mirroring.

I know men who refuse to dance and they are truly missing out on…life, pretty much.

Mirroring is a real thing.  It’s a subconscious tell when you find yourself talking to someone and matching their body posturing.  Dancing is a cheap knockoff to this, but it works.  I’m not talking about bumping and grinding to “Get Low” at the club. I’m talking about real dancing.

You have to match each other’s moves to dance together.  Instant mirroring and synchronization.  You also break that personal space boundary.  In slower dancing, the man’s hand at the woman’s lower back, or even just below her shoulder blades.  Fingers and palms, touching on the other side. You are already holding hands.

You might even lean in and talk to each other.  Your breath in each other’s ears.  Extremely intimate.  The nervousness while dancing usually translates to smiling.  Most women love to be spun too while dancing. There is an element of control and danger all at once.  And most of all trust.  Don’t drop your partner during a dip either.  They won’t return your phone calls.

If you want to be irresistible, smiling is a good way to go.  A genuine smile too, not a beauty queen grin.  Laughter at tripping or missing steps is also good. But don’t laugh and giggle at everything.  Crazy people do that.

List for what makes women irresistible:

  • Be confident but not cocky
  • Smile and laugh, but only at things that are actually funny
  • Be comfortable in your own skin.
  • Be kind
  • Be attentive (this is an ego thing.  All men want to be interesting) but not overly aggressive.  Men do not want a girl who worships everything they do. Who really does?
  • Be honest
  • Be open (“mysterious” only gets you laid). Vulnerability!
  • Don’t have orbits of several men. Pick only one at a time. Otherwise, you are in Fuckboi Territory.
  • Don’t be crazy
  • Do not be afraid to show your intelligence.  It is a myth that men are intimidated by this.
  • Have opinions! Share your thoughts on things!
  • Don’t put other women down to bring yourself up
  • Be able to tell at least one dirty joke (but don’t go full-innuendo, or else you’ll just have a buddy who wants to watch Fletch with you)
  • Know at least one line from a “guy” movie (Full Metal Jacket, The Big Lebowski, etc.)
  • Stay off your @#$%^ phone.
  • Show up
  • Have fun

He doesn’t care about your makeup, your perfume, your shoes, your hair, who you used to date, how awful all men are, how much money you make, how much money your ex makes, or you telling him how great you are in bed. Save that conversation for your girlfriends over wine and Meg Ryan movies.

Just be yourself.

Next is my list for what makes men irresistible.