It was a long day

It’s 11:30pm and I’ve been writing most of today. On and off. I’m trying to calm my brain down so I can sleep because my internet went down for a bit and I lost momentum. I had two assignments to write today and I just started the second one when I lost my signal. The whole town lost signal. Then I lost momentum.

I started today off working on the book. Actually, I started off by reading a couple sections from Steven Pressfield’s “The War of Art”. Then I got fired up. I wrote a lot today on the book. If I had to guess, I would say it was about 5,000 words. I wrote three scenes. And tinkered with a few more. And then I think I posted here this morning too. And then I wrote 1500 words on a paid post. And started research for another which is due at 11am tomorrow.

The work has been coming in regular. The book has been telling me how it wants to be written.

I was telling a friend today that after the writing I did today, the title of my book should be called “Emotional Damage.”

Because these scenes were tough to write. But I wrote them. One of the scenes was very beautiful. I was proud of it. The other two were heartbreaking, but they were asking me to tell their story. So, I did.

In total, I probably had about a 8,000 word day. Maybe more. Probably more.

I had seven or eight cups of coffee. A bowl of cereal. A bowl of chili. A glass of Bread and Butter wine. I watched a couple episodes of Terriers on Hulu. I feel a little bit like I’m burning the candle at both ends. At one point today, I just wanted to scream. There’s a lot going on in my life right now.

I wanted to write more, but I knew if I did I wouldn’t be sleeping. I have deadlines tomorrow. Then the next day.

I want to sleep.

Honestly, at this point in my life, if it were a book, I would want to skip to the end and see how it all turns out. I could really use that right now. I know how the book I’m writing ends. Sometimes I wish it were that easy.

One of my favorite bands is Daughter. Their frontwoman/songwriter, Elena Tonra said something about how she writes sad songs because she is just in her heart a sad person. My book isn’t happy. There are beautiful parts in it, but don’t expect a happy ending. Like those songs I enjoy, if you want happy, there are other books you can read. The next one might be happy. But if I were to make this one have a happy ending, I wouldn’t be being honest with the story.

Life is pain. Anyone who says differently, is selling something.

Who Do You Want to be Today?

Every morning, we wake up and have the chance to be whoever we want. Even if it is just small changes in the course of where we are headed. Today, I woke up and looked at my long list of assignments that are due throughout the week. Today, I know what I’m doing.

Today, I know what I am working towards.

Today, I know what I don’t want.

That’s actually quite a lot to have in your toolbox. Some days you might only have a set of tweezers and a blowtorch in there. Today, I’ve got hammers and wrenches and screwdrivers and chop saws and tape measures and levels and squares and all sorts of goodies. Metaphorically speaking of course. I have all of that stuff in real life too, but I don’t feel like working on the house today.

I also have a sink full of dishes. That needs to be taken care of too.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I have goals, and today I have some ambition (and coffee) to work towards those goals. It’s a pretty exciting time in my life, I’m not gonna lie.

Goals are different than dreams. I still like to daydream, but that just gives me that excited feeling in my chest to kick my butt out of bed and start working towards something. The goal is less ephemereal. Goals are like goals in hockey. You know you can score points by hitting your goal. The Dream is the Stanley Cup.

See what I’m saying?