Today I need to put one foot in front of the other and write. I am feeling such resistance today. I have this urge to seek out distractions, to drive places and take pictures, to do literally anything but put my butt in the chair and work. Yeah, I know, I sound like a broken record sometimes.

Yesterday I went to the eye doctor and spent the majority of the day afterwards with my eye dilated. I dropped a lot of money on new glasses. It has been six years since I got a new prescription and frames. I figured I was due for them. I guess my problem with falling asleep when I read has to do with a vision disorder, which can be corrected with eye excercises. But as with anything, those are another expense. It sure would be nice to read a book without falling asleep for once.

I also got a new set for just night driving. My eye doctor (whom I have been seeing since I was ten btw) said I should not be allowed in a motor vehicle without glasses at night. I think that was a bit of an exaggeration. After all, the pretty rainbows the oncoming cars make with their headlights only blind me for like ten seconds.

I can see just fine if I’m the only person on the road at night.

I have some good chapters to work on in the book, and I have some articles I need to pitch. I have the potential to be busy, but Monday’s court hearing really got me down for a couple of days. And now it’s Thursday. There have been too many weeks like this over the last few months. You get out of bed on a Monday and all of a sudden it’s Thursday again. I have a zoom meeting with my son this afternoon, but no telling when those will stop. As per new rulings, the schedule will be changing. Fewer visits. Supposedly longer visits in person.

A buddy of mine gave me some perspective. Now that I have more time to myself (which I didn’t ask for–he added), I can use it to do what I need to do for myself. Hence the eye appointment, working on the house, and hopefully getting some chapters finished.

There’s nothing much else to say right now. I just decided to drop a quick blog entry here in hopes that I can prime the pump and find some interest in getting words down.

The days are getting shorter and there is a chill in the air. I’m cozied up inside in my cable knit sweater, searching for the motivation to write, when what I really need is the discipline to work. I need to focus on just chipping away at the story instead of imagining the fruits of my efforts.

I saw a video the other day which said it best: Nobody is coming to save me. I have to do this on my own. I am the only person who can do this, and I have to do it alone.

I think I need to get Zen on this and start with an empty bowl, which means doing dishes, folding laundry, and sitting down to work.

One thought on “Focus

  1. I can relate. Good thing I managed to get permission to go into the lab under current lockdown conditions. That’ll at least provide some additional structure to my day to help with motivation.

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