I Think I Overdid It

Today was a work on the house day. I have been installing flooring in the living room for this go around. I wish I had something profound or insightful or something prosaic to say about it, but really it’s probably just going to be an observation on age, why writing suits me, and possibly some things to say about what could be undiagnosed ADHD.

What I do know is that after about eight hours of demo, then standing up, sitting down, tapping in sections of flooring, and repeating the process over and over again on my hands and knees, the floor is about halfway done. It has been a one man operation. My blood and sweat is literally involved in this project. And a couple blood blisters from whacking my finger with a hammer.

Like most of these house projects, I get hyperfocused on the project. It’s hard to reach a stopping point for me, unless the work is just done, but I will need some help to move the heater stove out of the way to finish the second half of the room. When it’s done, people will think it looks great, and I’ll just see all of my mistakes. But eventually that will fade and I will think it looks great too.

Right now I am in a lot of pain. Mostly in my lower back and my arms and legs. Flooring is a young person’s job. I’ve done it before, albeit with a different kind of flooring, but I think this stuff will be fine for what I need it to do. Which is to cover up a patchwork quilt of old flooring. Tile, linoleum, all from different points in history. It’s easy enough to install, but just time consuming, and being on the floor most of the time doesn’t help.

I’m writing right now to wear out my mind. Three Motrin, a Zyrtec to help me sleep, a beef bowl which I made on autopilot, and maybe a shot of whiskey later, and my brain is still going. I went to bed at 10 and woke up at 11pm, wide awake. It’s insomnia that has affected me from many other instances like this. I get sucked into a project and my brain won’t stop if I pass a certain point. If I don’t find myself winding down around five or six, it wants to keep going.

I even read three chapters of “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings” and installing flooring was an app in my brain, running in the background the whole time. So, I figured I would blog about it and see if that helps. The pain combined with the Brain that Won’t Shut Up are a double whammy tonight. I have half a mind to just make a cup of coffee and work on the book for a bit, but my eyelids are getting heavy, and I don’t want to tempt fate.

Last January, I started work on this place. The first project I tackled was to strip all the old wallpaper out of my son’s room and paint it. On that project, I stopped working at about 9pm and then wide awake, I came back at 5am to start again, up long before the winter sun. I’ve heard that with ADHD, you get distracted easily by things, but also become hyper-focused on other things. I wonder if I’ve been like this for a while or if my office job spawned this behavior, since I had to work through constant interruptions and meet deadlines. It sucks. I wish I could just turn it all off and sleep.

But I am excited to see what everything looks like at the end of this.

I’ll have just a few projects left. But I’m not in any hurry to do those. Trim. Install another floor. Fix my office up. I’ll need more money and warmer weather, so I’m looking at Spring or early Summer. With new floor, the faux tin ceiling, a couple big area rugs and the new bookshelf door working as a baffle to what was a cold ass hallway, the house is going to stay nice and toasty this winter.

The hearing to determine the parenting time schedule for my son is on Monday, and I’m also anxious about that. So, there is plenty on my mind. When my son comes back, he won’t even recognize the place. It has been a productive three and a half months. The old place has almost…responded to these changes in such a good way. Every time I refurbish something, there seems to be such a good feeling about it. Almost like the house appreciates the love and care I’ve been putting into it. It responds with being warmer. Smelling nicer. And feeling more like home.

My cousins and my aunts always used to talk about this place and say how it was haunted. I’ve spent so many hours in this place at all hours of day and night and really I’ve never had an experience of any kind. It was cold and run down in the beginning, but now, as I continue to put a new face on it, it feels inviting.

Even in this month of Halloween, when the cold earth breathes out long-forgotten spirits.

Maybe if there are ghosts in this place they lay low because they are afraid I’ll make them help. 😉

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