That walkin’ against the wind $#!T

Today, I wrote my ass off for two posts. I know there are going to be days like this. I have had good days where I wrote 15 posts about lift kits and grille guards and days where I have written two posts about motorbike accidents, but today was two posts that might win me $37. One was for an air conditioning company and the other was a Netflix documentary review about “Human Nature”. I had to watch an hour and a half long documentary and IF they buy it, they will pay $25. So that averages out to $12.50 per hour.

IF either of them buy it.

My brain is fried, but at least I know more about CRISPR than I did before. I guess one way to look at this is that I would have watched the documentary for free anyway. Now I’m doing it for money.

It will be like walking against the wind to write enough in the upcoming days, weeks, months, years to provide a base income for myself. That part really sucks. Especially since many of the clients I was writing crazy amounts of stuff for left due to a change in management with the agency I’m writing for. Right now I’m in the process of rebuilding a client base, which takes time.

Tonight I’m going to try to work on the novel. I’ve been sketching out so many scenes towards the end that now my inkblots are bleeding backward through the story and hopefully will meet somplace in the middle. Future edits will probably remove a lot of things and be integral to another book I have been thinking about in the life of this same character.

I dunno. Sometimes I wonder if I haven’t cooled off with this story and some days when I sit down to write I just can’t help but think I’m over it. Then there are days I get fired up again and wish that was all I had to do.

Today fell a little flat, and for some weird reason, I took an hour and a half nap this evening. I just closed my eyes and and couldn’t stay awake. Maybe a lot of the recent stress is finally releasing. Maybe I’m finally letting go of some things and now they are only memories instead of recent wounds. I feel like a house that has been packed up for a big move. It’s the same house, but the rooms are all empty, filled with only possibilities, but there is still a lot of work ahead to put everything back in them that is needed.

Every day brings new challenges, and life comes at you like a mime from hell. I just wish it wouldn’t do that walkin’ against the wind shit. I hate that.

Momentum

A month ago, I was writing so much on the book that it was hard to sleep at night, the ideas just kept flooding my brain and I was powerless to stop them. For a few weeks, I had to shift gears and work on other things, namely senseless and idiotic court documents which always are a waste of time.

The problem is that I forgot where I left off. I have lost momentum. I still jot down the occasional note for the book, but the momentum has been lost and I don’t have the direction I once did. Also, some of the things I was writing about have reached a certain level of closure which result in a collective “Meh” when I think about writing them down.

This is not good.

Tonight, I’m going to get some sleep. Maybe tomorrow will yield something better.

Moving forward

The site is back!

Now that life has returned to “New Normal,” I can post here again.

It’s nearly midnight as I type these words. I’m exhausted today from a variety of things and I’m probably too tired to work on the book right now. I find myself trying to catch up again, slowly, but some of the things I was so passionate writing about have faded. What I get down about those times feel almost like they belong to a different time. Maybe that’s the point of this story, to document an era that slipped through our fingers just as it was getting good.

This year has been hard on everyone, I won’t even belabor that point. It’s just a fact. We know it, for global, local, and personal reasons that have affected everyone.

Maybe this book is more than I had thought it would be. Maybe there is another purpose to it. A need to document the end of an era that began in the 1990s and will fade out in the next few years as my generation takes its place in the halls of nostalgia, replaced maybe before the Boomers are by the self-aggrandizing Millennials and the Z’s who have suppassed every other generation on their dependence of electronics.

We are truly another Lost Generation. We were branded X before we even came into our own, X being the unidentified, the Other, the Unknown variable. In taste tests, it was always Brand X against the name brand. There are so many things I enjoyed about the last few decades, which somehow just bled into what we know now. A time that is lonely, sad, and sanitized for your protection.

Say what you will about the election, but we are no longer represented. We are ruled by dinosaurs of bureaucrats who have divided us for political and personal gain. On both party lines. Growing up, I heard that the Revolution Will Not Be Televised. It won’t be. It wasn’t. Maybe it has already been fought and won, and one of these days they will let us know who we are again.

It’s great books that help us identify with an era. Not saying mine will be that, but it couldn’t hurt to put my hat in the ring.

In the meantime, I just write down things that happened, or should have happened, and they will encapsulate what was going on for someone else down the road to read. I hope it is at least interesting. My chances of being published are probably close to zero, but my enjoyment of putting the words down is much, much higher.

This site is going to be a reference to what was going on at the time, so I can come back to it later. If you enjoy what you see here, please hit that like button and share it with someone.