My day

So my birthday has come and nearly gone again, I am at the apogee of my next year, the furthest point from the next time this day comes around again. For the most part I haven’t done a lot today. I visited with a friend, opened an unexpected present, and hung out with my son. We munched on cherry cheesecake and walked Umbrella Academy season one. I also got my free coffee at Dutch Bros. today.

The funny thing about free coffee this morning was they all asked me what I was going to do for my birthday. I even woke up this morning to a text wishing me happy birthday from someone I spent time growing up with long ago. She hoped I was having adventures today. Honest, today was so sedate, I wondered if there was something wrong with me. Really I had no desire to do much. With everyone still on lockdown and forced to wear masks anywhere you turn, hot springs still closed down until further notice, and not even a movie theatre open, my options were limited. I could either stay at home or spend money on food. I stayed at home and sliced up a sirloin roast and marinaded it to make beef jerky.

I am a wildman.

I might get some writing done tonight before I go to bed. I might not. Today was just sort of a stay at home and be lazy day. Maybe this is a symptom of the overall malaise everyone is going through these days, or maybe it’s just a part of being more comfortable in my own skin. I haven’t had FOMO for a while, mostly because nobody is really doing much to miss out on, and I’ve been busy with writing and figuring out my life these days. Letting things go.

I think back to last year and how I was just beginning a wonderful journey with the woman I was dating at the time. We spent all afternoon and most of an evening in Glenwood Springs in a hot spring listening to New Age music and then devouring an entire pizza together on the drive home. It was a great birthday, and enough to shut me up for a while about how “Nothing good ever happens on my birthday.”

The year before basically marked the end of another relationship. That was hard. It was more in line with how things had been. High expectations for a wonderful day and then the rug jerked out from underneath me. On my birthday, I have been fired two different times, had the flu as least a dozen times, been stood up for my birthday party, and any number of things that generally sucked. I’ve had some good ones. Last year, my 40th, my 21st (where the girl I was dating gave me a kilt), and a few other really good ones.

This year was neither phenomenal nor disappointing. It was peaceful, and I didn’t even have the urge to run out and get myself a gift. I was content with everything that I have. I think about those kids at Dutch this morning and that need to run out and celebrate. Maybe last year was the final time I feel that urge? Any day can be a day to run out and celebrate. Any day is the day that you can make your own.

Throughout the day I got notifications on Facebook from friends and family wishing me a Happy Birthday. It was nice to hear from everyone. It made me feel appreciated. Remembered. I sometimes thing of the past and those who are no longer in my life, and though I miss them, I can enjoy the good times and that brings me joy. I wonder if they thought of me today. I thought of them.

Tonight is not a melancholy night. No, that might happen later when I write. But for now, I am Clinton. I live. I burn with life. I love. I slay and am content. Today I became 45 years old. I’m just hitting my stride.

2 thoughts on “My day

  1. I am full-on glad you ended the post with hitting your stride… on an upbbeat-ish note.

    “I think about those kids at Dutch this morning and that need to run out and celebrate. Maybe last year was the final time I feel that urge? Any day can be a day to run out and celebrate. Any day is the day that you can make your own.”

    Which is it, Dood? Can you own the double statement there? Maybe last year last VERSUS any day (that ends in ‘ y ‘ all of them) to run out and celebrate.

    I feel your forlorn, and I feel your STILL STRIVING, and I feel your… dour. Relentlessly driving and striving for… What is it you are striving for? Happy birthday. It’s a grand time to pop the clutch at 4,500 rpm and either drop the transmission, jettison into what you want, and/or … hmmm yes. There is the and.or. What’s YOUR gig on your birthday notwithstanding all these other peeps gigs?

    You seem strong. Why the victim? DOOD. Re-read your rockin’ posts. Straight-up. Feeling. On. No matter right or wrong or you performed a situation/relationship wrong. Can you READ yourself from your writing> WHOAH, is there some grand stuff evident there,

    With that, putting your work back in you lap, I will wish you happy birthday. It’s fair to say FUCK YOU! After, you might, though…. after that hullabaloo settles. Know there’s someone out there that respects your process. Maybe you’re not there yet because YOU’RE not giggin’ it for yourself.

    For a Happy Birthday, I ask a sanctuary of a question: DOODICUS, what is your gig? Aren’t you almost to it with the way you’ve been open? Hmmmm… inspect your expectations? Honestly, with yourself BEYOND those expectations… What IS? Aren’t you almost to it with the way you’ve been open open?

    Happy Birthday, Clinton.

    I’m not presenting an easy Birthday Present. I am presenting the Birthday Present of… Wh Are YOU giving YOURSELF for your birthday that moves forward in your life?

  2. There is a bit of this going round. For my birthday, I didn’t do anything special: slept in, played some Pokemon, ate. In the evening a friend came over with his family & we got food delivered for a shared dinner. I think it’s just all part of the 2020 zeitgeist.

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