Act right

A while back, I wrote a post about just about any jackass who was dating any number of my female friends was named Steve. And acting like a jackass. Today while visiting with one of my female friends about her current situation, I got to hear about more douche-lagoonery. Combine that with some other tidbits I’ve heard lately for other friends, I decided it was time to talk about what is wrong with this picture. Just like Highlights magazine for children. Only this if for anyone struggling with dating.

Know when to say When

Her scenario: It’s Sunday afternoon. Do you know where your boyfriend is? Yes you do! He’s at the bar, off his face drunk and texting you to come get him. No, don’t, he says. No, wait, you’d better. Gibberish gibberish self-loathing gibberish. I LOVE YOU!!!

She is going to see this as a red flag. And for the love of Mike, don’t tell your girlfriend you love her for the first time in a drunken text. This is not the story she wants to share with anyone on your silver anniversary. Odds are you won’t make it that far.

Some of the other problems I have seen involve alcohol. I mean these days, people are drinking more, but compared to just about any other illicit, mood-altering substance out there, adding alcohol has almost never made a situation better.

Space and time aren’t just for Neil DeGrasse Tyson

When there are moments in a woman’s life that are surrounded by doubt, sometimes she needs some time to think. Usually (from my experience) this isn’t good for her guy if she says this, but if that is the case he doesn’t need to pour gasoline on that campfire. Any dick pics will be deleted, or probably just forwarded on to her other friends (men and women) with the eyeroll emoji.

When she says, “I just need some space” this is not the opportunity to send her texts illustrating specifics as to what you want to do to her sexually. Leave her alone. She might actually think of charming things you have done (don’t worry, guys, you won’t even know what she is thinking about that will save your ass. It won’t be the moments you were deliberately doing anything that charmed her.)

Read a room

If she breaks up with you, don’t do the same damned thing, being especially crude and nasty. You are just showing how tone deaf you are to the situation. Not to mention disrespectful. You aren’t getting points. You are losing even more points if you do this while you’ve been drinking. Eventually she will come to terms with the fact that you have no intention of respecting her. Her friends will hate you in time and anytime they hear your name mentioned, they will all spit simultaneously to get the undesirable taste of the thought of you out of their mouths.

Rough starts

Beginnings can be difficult as well, even though they represent newness and discovery and mystery. As you progress you will start to notice little things that make you go, “Erm? Huh?” Guys, you aren’t being mysterious by saying “I’ve done bad things in my past. You should probably break up with me.” You are actually giving her some insight as to how she needs to respond to whatever the hell it is you think is so heinous you need to be written off.

On the obverse side, if either of you is just learning about the other, full-disclosure should be appreciated and encouraged about any sexually transmitted diseases you might be carrying. With great Herp comes greater responsibility. I think Spiderman said that. Hiding that shit until either of you has an outbreak is not how you win someone’s trust.

If you have been married several times, that information should also be disclosed upfront. It might even be first date conversation. It should probably be included on your driver’s license right along with whether or not your are of consenting age or if you are an organ donor. Better yet, just have a face tattoo that indicates how broken you are as a person. Saves time! Especially if you are still legally married to at least one of them!

Miscellaneous is the largest category

If you meet an old flame and things get heated, and you wind up sleeping with each other again, it is a douche-lagoon move to ghost them afterwards. What might be worse is trying to smooth things over with lines such as “Just a friend helping out another friend” or “can you send me your half for the hotel room?” These are NOT ways to respond. These kinds of words hurt people.

If you are dating someone you just aren’t all about, don’t tell them a list of names of people you would jump at the chance to date again. For God’s sake, don’t marry that person, because they will always, always remember that list of names. If you have a list like that, don’t break someone’s heart until that list is no longer a thing, or the person you are spending time with makes you forget there ever even was a list.

A friend of mine recently told me that dating in your thirties is like shopping in a thrift store. Believe me, it is much worse in your forties. The sheer amount of damage any of us carry around at any given time should earn us a closer parking spot at the store. Try to be kind to each other, and respect others. Most of all, respect yourself.

Learn to act right.

Political Poisoning: American Edition

Social media used to be a neat tool to connect with others. I have reaquainted myself with people I knew years and years ago, which was necessary as I put my life back together after my divorce. I spoke again with people I knew from Elementary School, I kept in touch with some great people from the old LiveJournal days, and even though most of us were very far away, we could still laugh and joke and carry on conversations in spite of this.

Lately, however, I have been like many of you, and because of the political climate I find that I am unable to maintain friendships with people who are so rabid about their beliefs. They live in an echo chamber where there is no such thing as objectivity. Either you are with them, or you are wrong.

I’ve unfriended and blocked many people because of this. People who were good friends, but that could not withstand the inculcation of party politics. I just couldn’t. And honestly, being a political centrist (if not Libertarian), I was no longer welcome in their circles.

I bowed out. In some cases, I blocked them permanently because of their compatriots who I felt were going to drag me across the coals in a full on doxxing.

I think about the Civil War and how they used to say “It was brother against brother!” I used to be unable to fathom how siblings could join a war and try to kill each other. Now, I don’t have to imagine it. The days of polite discourse are over. We are completely polarized these days. If you don’t agree with a Socialist agenda, you are a fascist. If you don’t have a MAGA hat and a Trumpersticker, you are a commie.

It makes me despair for what our country is becoming. How this kind of politically fueled hate is spilling out into the rest of the world too.

Much of the time all I want to do is get back to the days when we could agree that not everyone was going to agree on some things. Then we went back to focusing on the things that united us instead of divided us.

I’m not voting in the upcoming election. If you don’t like it, wonderful. I also think the masks are bullshit, but they are what everyone has clung to in order to make themselves feel like they have some kind of control over what is going on in the world. Just like voting.

Biden is a sick man. Way to go Democrats. You had 150 MILLION people to pick from and you dug out that old chestnut. This is my look of surprise when he announces Hilary Clinton as his running mate in a month. If he wins, imagine my look of surprise when he abdicates…I mean, yeah. Commits suicide.

Pedophiles abound in positions of power. Worldwide. Children are being trafficked every day and mysteriously anyone who “knows” what is going on keeps winding up dead. Puzzler. Bit of a puzzle. The solution of course is make child rape a hanging offense. And actually hang the fuckers. The Clintons are already off to a good lead on that, oddly enough.

If I had to sit at a table with Trump, I would probably punch him in the mouth. Which is why I’m confused why so many New Yorkers dislike him. He acts just like most of them. Rude. Uncouth. Entitled. Obnoxious. He seems like the kind of guy who would overflow your toilet and use your best towels to wipe his ass afterwards. Then send you the bill to have his pinky ring cleaned.

Antifa need to take their place among the pantheon of dangerous assholes who have no love for this country. Right there with the KKK, the Nation of Islam, the Aryan Nation, and every other extremist group who has a right to exist because of right to assembly and freedom of speech, but serve about as much purpose as diet pop at an all you can eat buffet.

Black Lives Matter is just a nice way for white people to put a brand name on their white guilt. It’s the same as putting a ribbon on your shirt. Or a bumper sticker on your Prius. You wanna be “woke?” Have a conversation with someone about how fucked everything is. You’ll see everyone has some common ground on why the deck is stacked against them. But the ones fucking us don’t want you to see that. They want us to blame each other.

Defund the police? No, defund the Legislation. They are the assholes making the laws that can be used seven ways to Sunday to jail people for no reason. Every year a bunch of lawyers get together and make more laws. How often do they repeal them? And the ones that are repealed, why the hell are prisoners still doing time for committing those crimes? Sure, a lot of cops go home and beat the shit out of their wives, but what do you expect when so many of them are juicing?

Confederate statues are convenient places for pigeons to shit. They are also a good indication of knowing geographically when you are in the woods and hear banjos, that you need to paddle faster. Remove those landmarks and the next time you hear a pig squeal, it might be you.

The best thing to come out of quarantine has been a lack of stupid summer blockbusters. Maybe we can begin to digest how little importance Hollywood actually carries in our lives. As if those fucking TikTok videos haven’t already convinced you.

China is not our friend. That is to say the Chinese Government. They aren’t China’s friend either, we aren’t that special to be the only ones they are actively trying to screw. Where’s all your “Free Tibet” shirts now?

Free healthcare? How about eliminate tort litigation where the majority of settlements go to paying lawyers on contengiency? That’s why your health insurance costs are so high and an Advil is $8. You’d probably see delivery of a baby drop back down to “I don’t need Medicaid to afford this” rates pretty quickly. You know what? I’m actually for the government paying for health care. Not health insurance. Get rid of that broken system. We should see something come out of our taxes rather than crumbling roads, bailouts for multibillion dollar companies, and subsidized agriculture that makes a pound of hamburger $6.

Eliminate the indentured servitude of the Student Loan Program. Period.

That’s enough fixing the world for one night. I wonder why my Liberal and Conservative friends no longer invite me to parties…

Writing tonight

Today I beat the hell out of myself in regards to the writing. I’ve been a little rusty, what with my mom coming up to visit for a few days. Instead of working on the book, I succumbed to the temptation of hanging out with my mom and my son. We explored Ikea, went on a few walks, and made the most of our time visiting. I didn’t do as much writing as I had hoped.

The week began with me taking Monday to do a 18.5 mile bike hike around Lake Dillon. Tuesday was spent being sore and sleeping. Today, I slept a lot too, but mostly from depression. Isolation crept in and maybe I was feeling a little hungover from having company all week.

Tonight though, I rallied and excluding this blog post, I wrote 4,000 words on the novel. Tonight’s chapter was very personal and I was glad I dug deep and got the words down. That story will fade eventually, and even though the scene I wrote is based on one dear to my heart, in time, it will be gone. It was such a wonderful memory that I couldn’t help but put it to the page.

It was about a night in June that could never be repeated. A night that taught me that there was still such a thing as magic and my romatic side throws it in my face all the time and says “See!”

It felt good to write, however sad it turned out. But the words are down and I can share that moment with anyone who cares to join me in my wanderings through memory. At least I have that. I can still hear the music. I can still hear the voices. The chill of the air. The magic of new beginnings. I get to keep it.

And I will.