Today has been a real struggle to motivated to do much of anything. What a way to begin a story? Consider it the Call to Adventure and I am the reluctant hero of my own story. It’s a rain day in May and so far today, I half-heartedly submitted some edits for a lawyer’s website on a blog post about “how long does it take for an accident settlement?” It’s really one of those questions like “How long is my hand going to be in this blender?” The answer is this: it all depends on how long you can stand it.
I have some paid blog deadlines coming up this week, but today, I don’t have a lot of motivation to do those. “It’s a Raymond Chandler evening and the pavements are all wet. And I’m lurking in the shadows, ’cause it hasn’t happened yet.”
So I decided to take a walk in the drizzle to clear my head. It was chilly outside today, but there was nobody else on campus, as opposed to most days lately. This #stayathome thing has more people out walking their dogs and themselves than I have ever seen. When things get back to how they were people won’t know how to live with their animals.
I did a lot of thinking and a lot of soul searching, and I am better. I feel like a weight is off my shoulders. Not all of it, but a good chunk of it. I can feel like I can breathe again for now. I talked to God, so you might call this the “supernatural aid” in the Hero’s Journey. I have a lot of work to do. A couple book ideas, lots of corporate blogs to post, and some loose ends to tie up from the day job before the end of the week. I also need to talk to the child support people and tell them my job is going away. I’m not looking forward to that conversation. Those are some people who don’t like news like this.
There are always things to do, and feeling sorry for yourself shouldn’t take that high of a priority. Life goes on. If someone leaves you, they weren’t your person, no matter what kinds of hopes you had attached to them. Enjoy the time you shared. Stop mourning the time you anticipated and you won’t hate yourself as much. I need to get better at letting go. Even I had some deal breakers I wasn’t listening to. Turns out a few of them were the same ones she had.
I need to get back into the book. It has been calling out to me for around six years now and it’s long past due for the attention it so desperately needs. Time to go. Time to stop screwing around and get to work.